Ten years of celibacy liberated me

For almost 10 years I am living a celibate life according to the 8 limbs of yoga. And yes, that means no sexual relationships with another person. I use tantric energy to connect with the higher consciousness: that is so much deeper than any form of physical sex. An orgasm while in meditative state can take over several hours instead of the couple seconds women are used to have. An ultimate feeling of connectedness and divinity, a stream of pure love and bliss straight from our Source, which opens the kundalini and connects it through all seven chakra’s with the higher consciousness.

Being with another person would only disturb this process of being connected and take me back into those lower physical dimensions, instead of merging with divinity of the 9th and 10th dimension. Living celibate or brahmacharya according to yoga culture, does not just mean ‘no sex’. It is not having a physical partner to have sex with. This would only keep you into earthly realms (maya), because of the physical distraction.

Never suppress those inner feelings

Living brahmachary does niet mean that you have to suppress your sexual feelings (as in Christian denominations), instead of that you use it to reach a higher level of spirituality. Brahmacharya is so much deeper than celibacy: it means directing every effort in life to the divine higher power. It is a deep spiritual state of mind which brings you to the inner peace and bliss inside of you. Brahmacharya means having an all time focus on this higher power, detached from matter. You could even do this with a partner, who is also living strictly brahmachary and has the same focus. Eventually you could both reach enlightenment, but without physical dependence or attachment to each other.

I truly believed that I was a failure

The first three decades of my life I’ve been living by what others expected from me. Every effort was meant to find that husband and create a family: this would make me a whole person again. This would bring me happiness. But I did not succeed. In the eyes of my family I failed. At some point I even believed that myself too. This was meant to be the ultimate goal in life, and I was not able to reach that. Until I stopped searching for happiness outside myself and started to look inside, with the thought that I’m a whole person, perfect as she is. It’s inside of me, I’m complete already. This deep form of self love and acceptance, appeared to be the opening of the doorway to liberation.

In India it’s different

When I am in India the ladies always ask me ‘are you married? Do you have children?’ I only have to say one word ‘bramachary’ and they understand. It means something like ‘living with God’, like the nuns or monks do. They respect that, and stop asking. It’s a nice feeling to be understood. My physical family is still not understanding this, I’m seen as incomplete without a family and I’m not even trying to show them otherwise. This is in their world, their living space, within their understanding, unaccepted. I live the perfect life for myself; I am happy, I have a good job, live in a nice house, but for them I could never be happy alone. They worry. And that’s sweat.

Being misunderstood is not the only bump which many of us meet on this road. Reaching this higher state of consciousness is not easy and takes a lot of effort and training, with control over thoughts and senses. Only yoga food, a healthy lifestyle in harmony with nature and other persons, deep self reflection (and meeting our traumas) and with many hours of meditation. In one word: discipline.

Destroy the dark stuff inside

Asanas, how we actually know yoga, is just a small part of the whole concept and only supports deeper meditation or dhyana. You can reach moksha, or enlightenment (merging with divinity) only by diving into the Self and destroy all dark energy (of fear, anger, greed, materialism, egoism, hatred, jealousy, etc), breaking negative habits and patterns, and replacing them with the light and love of good patterns and positive feelings. ‘Yoga is the path of the Self, through the Self, to the Self’ (Bhagavad Gita). And that’s the real self, as in love, as in soul.

Become light, to merge with light

This is not easy. At first all is dark. Then you see a light, mostly during meditation. Then, after many hours of sadhana (spiritual practice) and digging up old stuff and Jnana Yoga, you feel some light inside. Then you are expanding this light by sharing your light with others. Karma Yoga. It takes years. Then you eventually can see light everywhere, not only during meditation or in the beautiful wonders of nature. You also see it in darkness. You see love in every single person and you only wish to serve the light in deep devotion. Bhakti Yoga. Then, you become the light. Becoming the light, means that your particles are the same energy frequency as of the higher energy, and particles of the same merge. That is moksha: become light to be able to merge with it. Living this is possible with the 4 paths of yoga: Jnana, Karma and Bhakti, and the fourth is Raja Yoga: morally living the healthy yoga lifestyle (see below) as in the 8 limbs of yoga (amongst them is Brahmacharya).

Kill the ego before it takes you

It’s all about killing the ego, so that you can become pure love and bliss. From the ego point of view, you think you are this physical person with a name, a house, a job and money on the bank. Nothing of this you can take with you in the end, so this is all temporary. This way of yoga living, brings you to the path that discovers that you are not this ego or physical being, you are love. The soul. The same energy as the divine. This is what you take in the end. So living in love is what makes the soul brighter and stronger, not money, a name or something material. Love, or soul are endless and eternal, it has no beginning or end. It just is. You just have to learn to connect with it.

Merge with love

Becoming pure love after shaking off the ego-body gives this feeling of ultimate bliss and happiness. That what we are looking for in earthly matters our whole life. The secret is that we look inside to find this pure light of bliss. It is the connection and awareness of our soul, which is of the same light as love and happiness. It is the presence of the higher power inside of us, a huge body of love or higher intelligence which connects us all. Our soul is just a part of this larger body of small light particles. Becoming aware of it (in peaceful meditative and mindful state), shows us the biggest secret of life that we are all love, and we are all connected with love. Only with this awareness makes it possible to merge with it. Only then.

Our universal goal in life

The funniest part is, that unawarely this is the universal dharma of every person alive. This is our goal, this is why we are here. If you stop looking for happiness outside yourself or in another person, what most of us are used to do, you can find this inside of you. Detachment of the material realms is a key ingredient to reach that. And I can tell you: this is so much better than being stuck in dysfunctional relationships or continuously searching for something (and being restless because of these unreachable goals). Reaching this deeper goal of life gives this amazing, mysterious inner feeling of bliss and happiness never experienced before! It takes hard work, but I can tell you that it is definitely worth trying.

Stop wishing and happiness will appear

So if you’re desperately swiping pictures on this dating app right now, or if you go to that blind date without any hope: stop. Just live the yogic lifestyle and one day, all of the sudden, you will wake up with this inner feeling of deep happiness and bliss. Just like that. Just because you stopped searching and being attached to something earthly. You will feel content or satisfied most when you don’t have any wishes nor desires anymore. Just being in this moment without wanting anything. You’ll take off to the higher dimensions and feel freedom, you will be liberated from fears and expectations, you will feel happier than ever, become conscious and reach moksha. And in the meanwhile: don’t forget to enjoy yourself. Have fun! Be happy!

Yoga is a way of living, not just postures on a mat. Yoga means merging into the divine energy of this higher consciousness. For that you can live according to the 4 paths of yoga: Jnana Yoga (knowledge of Self and wisdom), Karma Yoga (feeling deep love and acting in selfless service), Bhakti Yoga (devotion to the higher energy) and Raja Yoga (royal path with meditation and yoga lifestyle with sattvic food). Raja yoga is explained as the 8 limbs of yoga, which give us direction on the path of yoga. You can either choose one path or go with several of the 4 paths, this doesn’t really matter. Everybody can reach moksha, this life or a following life.

The eight limbs or sutra’s of yoga:

  1. Yama: moral living with: ahimsa (non-violence or non-harming), sathya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), bramacharya (sexual restraint), and aparigraha (non-possessiveness)
  2. Niyama: personal behavior with saucha (purity), santosha (contentment), tapas (discipline or austerity), svadhyaya (spiritual study, introspection and self reflection), Ishvara Pranidhana (constant devotion to God)
  3. Asana: yoga postures for disciplined meditation
  4. Pranayama: breathing techniques to control prana or vital life force
  5. Pratyahara: withdrawal of the senses
  6. Dharana: complete concentration and focus on the universal dharma
  7. Dhyana: deep meditation.
  8. Samadhi: in between thoughts to merge with the divine
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